Got a Messy Question?

Thoughtful Answers Where Truth and Grace Intersect

Inspired by the classic ‘Dear Abby’ column, ‘Dear Ellen’ offers a compassionate space for individuals to seek advice on faith, relationships, and personal growth. Ellen offers thoughtful, compassionate answers, rooted in her unique “Messy Middle” approach—a balance between love and righteousness.

At Heart Set Above, we understand that not every question has a simple, black-and-white answer. Many of life’s most significant challenges call for deep reflection, applying biblical principles to today’s complexities, and cultivating a clear conscience before God. 

Whether the question involves faith-based dilemmas, LGBTQ+ topics, therapy, communication tips, or relational challenges, Ellen strives to provide practical, grace-filled responses to help individuals navigate life’s toughest issues.

Submit your question below and Ellen will respond with care, offering wisdom to help you find clarity, peace, and direction.

Important Notice: All question submissions will remain anonymous. Due to the volume of submissions, not every question can be addressed. Selected questions will be chosen randomly. Some will be answered in writing, anonymized, and posted here, while others may be featured on the Heart Set Above podcast for a more in-depth discussion—always anonymously.

Dear Ellen

Messy Mondays
Dear Ellen, We have a new believer in our community who is young in her faith. She’s been involved in outreach events and has been bringing guests, but recently we discovered that she has been secretly dating another woman. We want to handle this with care since she’s still very new in her walk with God. How do we confront this situation in a way that is both loving and truthful without pushing her away? – Seeking Wisdom
Messy Mondays
Dear Ellen, I’ve been thinking about something and would love your input. Is it okay for disciples to wear clothing with rainbow designs? I understand that God created the rainbow, and I think it could point people to Him. However, with how the symbol is widely used today, I’m wondering if it’s helpful or if it could send the wrong message. I want to make sure I’m honoring God in all things, even in what I wear. What are your thoughts on wearing rainbow-decorated clothing as a Christian? – Seeking Clarity
Messy Mondays
Dear Ellen, I’m currently pursuing my Master of Counseling, and during a class discussion, I shared that as a Christian, I foresee some challenges working with clients because of my beliefs. I emphasized that I believe every person deserves to be treated with dignity and respect, regardless of their sexual orientation, and that my challenge is more about growing in competence and confidence to serve future clients well. Afterward, a classmate privately messaged me, expressing that they were hurt by my views, labeling them as homophobic and comparing them to conversion therapy. We had a respectful exchange, and we plan to continue the conversation. However, I still feel a bit shocked and offended by the message, especially the comparison to conversion therapy. I’d love some guidance on how to navigate this situation and any blind spots you might see. – Struggling in the Middle
Messy Mondays
Dear Ellen, What you are doing sounds like conversion therapy, no matter how you describe it. By not allowing people to fall in love with same-sex partners, aren’t you denying them a basic human right? There is significant evidence that conversion therapy harms mental health and increases the risk of suicide. How do you reconcile these findings with your ministry’s approach? – Concerned Advocate
Messy Mondays
Dear Ellen, I recently found out that my son will have a same-sex attracted counselor at his sleep-away camp, and I’m feeling a bit uncomfortable about the situation. I want to be sensitive but also make sure that my son is in a safe environment. How should I approach this, and what do you think is the best way to handle it? – Concerned Parent
Messy Mondays
Dear Ellen, I’ve been struggling to reignite my faith and strengthen my relationship with God. Are there any resources or advice you can recommend to help me get back on track spiritually? – Searching for Faith
Messy Mondays
Dear Ellen, My husband and I have been studying the Bible with a trans man who has been open and eager to learn. Unfortunately, some members of our church have been less welcoming, and we’re unsure whether to keep him in our group, hoping it helps others grow, or connect him with a different group that might be more accepting. We want to make sure he feels supported, but we also want to help our group grow in love and understanding. What would be the best way to navigate this? — In Over My Head
Messy Mondays
Dear Ellen, I grew up in a Christian home, knowing I was queer, but felt deeply ashamed when I discovered my parents’ efforts to prevent homosexuality. I tried for years to change, which led to self-hatred, addiction, and mental health struggles. I’ve since left the church, found healing, and reconnected with faith, but the pain of what I went through still lingers. I hope ministries like Strength in Weakness will realize the harm being done and find a better way forward. But I doubt it will make a difference. I doubt you even care. Sincerely, A Survivor
Messy Mondays
Dear Ellen, I’m struggling with how to process the messages in Lil Nas X’s new music video. I feel so much sadness and anger about how sex, sexuality, and gender are being distorted in our world. As a Christian parent, I feel helpless and overwhelmed. How do I protect my children from this while also teaching them God’s truth? Sincerely, Concerned and Searching
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