When Should I Teach My Kids About Sex, Sexuality, Gender, and LGBTQ+ Topics?

Dear Ellen,

I want to raise my children with a biblical foundation for understanding sex, sexuality, gender, and LGBTQ+ topics, but I’m unsure when to start these conversations. I don’t want to introduce things too early, but I also don’t want them learning distorted messages from peers or media first. How do I know the right time to begin, and what should these conversations look like?

– Thoughtful Parent

Dear Thoughtful Parent,

I wish knowing when to talk to our kids about some of these delicate topics was as easy as offering a specific point in development: “On the 11th hour of his 142nd day in his 6th year, he is ready to learn about sex.” Unfortunately, it is not that simple. There is no specific age that applies to every child. Every child is different, and therefore, every child’s maturity level is unique.

Also, the “right time” depends on you and the values and culture you’ve instilled in your home. You are the expert on your own family and children. You will need to pray and seek wisdom to discern the right time for your child. Keep in mind that this may vary from child to child within your home. Just because you taught your oldest about sex at five does not mean your youngest will be the same. Be adaptable to meet your child’s specific needs.

As you determine when the right time is, here are a few things to keep in mind:

Be the First.

As much as possible, be the one to teach your child about sex, sexuality, and gender before they are introduced to these topics through peers or media. When children first learn about these subjects from the world, they are often extra vulnerable to distortions (lies that we believe as truth). Sadly, many kids encounter sexual themes as early as kindergarten. Keep that in mind as you use wisdom to choose the right time for these discussions.

Not a One-Time Talk, But an Ongoing Conversation.

Teaching your child about sex, sexuality, gender, and LGBTQ+ topics isn’t just one big conversation—it’s a continuous dialogue that evolves with their development.

🔹 Infancy & Early Childhood – Instill a sense of wonder and appreciation for their bodies, teaching that God made every part without shame, but that some parts are honorable and deserve special care and protection.

🔹 Early School Age – Teach them about the biological differences between male and female bodies. Explain how marriage and intimacy reflect God’s love for His Church and how life is miraculously conceived.

🔹 Later Childhood & Preteen Years – Discuss societal norms and gender roles, differentiating cultural expectations (e.g., “boys shouldn’t cry,” or “girls should wear dresses”) from God’s design for masculinity and femininity.

🔹 Adolescence & Beyond – Continue age-appropriate conversations about relationships, sexuality, and cultural beliefs while reinforcing biblical truth with love and grace.

Throughout all stages, emphasize kindness, dignity, and respect for all people, regardless of their beliefs or lifestyles. Encourage your children to love others well while remaining rooted in truth.

Build in Time for Intentional Connection & Instruction.

I encourage parents to schedule weekly intentional connection times—some might call them family devotionals or family meetings. These structured conversations help kids learn about:
✔ Faith & biblical truth
✔ Parental expectations & family values
✔ Cultural norms & real-world challenges

Having these times in place creates a safe space for discussing tender topics like sex, sexuality, and gender without fear or shame.

It’s Never Too Late.

If you’re reading this and feeling regret because you didn’t start these conversations earlier, take heart—it’s never too late!

I’m not suggesting you pull out a children’s book on the birds and the bees for your 22-year-old—but it’s never too late to apologize for past mistakes, open the door for better conversations, and show your kids that you are willing to learn and grow with them.

Through my experiences as a therapist, I’ve learned that what truly matters isn’t perfection—it’s the effort to mend and strengthen connections when we inevitably falter.

In Him,
Ellen