Do I Need to be Concerned About LGBTQ+ Topics in my Home?

Dear Ellen,

Do I need to be concerned about LGBTQ+ topics in my home? I don’t want to bring them up if they’re not an issue, but I don’t want to be blindsided by them either. 

– A Thoughtful Parent

Dear Thoughtful Parent,

I wouldn’t say anyone needs to be concerned about LGBTQ+ topics—no. However, it’s essential for Christian parents to be equipped to address these subjects with their children. LGBTQ+ identities are a prevalent aspect of our society and will undoubtedly intersect with our children’s lives, likely at increasingly early ages. Therefore, it’s vital for Christian parents to actively prepare themselves to engage in these discussions with their children.

But I don’t think concern is necessary. Concern invites a tension that I believe is unwarranted when we approach these conversations with a perspective grounded in faith. Our children are deeply attuned to our emotional states and can detect underlying tensions more keenly than many parents realize. When we approach a topic with concern, even subtly, our children often sense it, potentially leading to misconceptions about our attitudes toward LGBTQ+ individuals or discussions.

As Christian parents, it’s imperative that we prepare to teach our kids about sex, sexuality, gender, and LGBTQ+ topics from a lens that seeks to find the intersection of God’s unfathomable love and His unwavering righteousness. We must also be ready to acknowledge the possibility that our own children may encounter and grapple with LGBTQ+ identities.

I often see Christian parents who, in their fear, cannot come to grips with even the possibility of their child embracing an LGBTQ+ identity. These parents choose to ignore this potential reality, hoping it will pass. And when it doesn’t and their child comes out to them, these parents are unprepared, struggling to process and connect with their child through it. I’m not suggesting that we anticipate a coming out revelation—but we must not become enslaved to the fear of it.

If we react to our children in fear—whether they come out to us or simply ask questions about LGBTQ+ topics—we run a high risk of instilling shame in their hearts and damaging our relationship with them. Instead, we must respond in love—just like God does with us.

“Perfect love drives out fear.” (1 John 4:18) Though we cannot have perfect love for our kids, we are constantly striving to emulate it as best we can. Fear-based parenting is never the answer. Rather, stewardship rooted in love, surrender, and confidence is the most effective route.

In a moment of insecurity about my ability to serve Him and His people on this path, I recounted to God all the reasons why I wasn’t suited for this job:

“I’m not a theologian, I’m not a psychologist, I’m not the best communicator. I don’t know everything about sex, sexuality, gender, and LGBTQ+ topics!”

The resounding answer I got from God was: “But you know Me. That’s enough.”

This is the confidence we can profess with our children when it comes to any delicate topic. Not that we have all the right answers, not that we are perfect communicators, and not that we know everything about LGBTQ+ topics and terms. No, our confidence in addressing these topics with our children comes from our personal relationship with God.

This is where I would encourage all Christians to start—whether addressing LGBTQ+ topics or any other delicate issue with their kids: seek to know God better.

We all live in a fallen state, in a fallen world. This means we all experience brokenness in the areas of sex, sexuality, and gender. We cannot fully overcome this brokenness on this side of heaven. Instead, we can seek to intimately know the One who has already paid the price for our redemption, so that we can better navigate this fallen world with Him at the center of our minds and hearts.

In Him,
Ellen