How Can We Address a New Believer’s Same-Sex Relationship with Both Love and Truth?

Dear Ellen,

We have a new believer in our community who is young in her faith. She’s been involved in outreach events and has been bringing guests, but recently we discovered that she has been secretly dating another woman. We want to handle this with care since she’s still very new in her walk with God. How do we confront this situation in a way that is both loving and truthful without pushing her away?

– Seeking Wisdom

Dear Seeking Wisdom,

Thank you so much for reaching out with this very sensitive question. It’s clear that your heart is for both truth and grace as you navigate this with her, which is exactly where God is.

When it comes to addressing situations like this, especially with someone who is new in the faith, it’s helpful to approach it much like you would with any other area of sin that someone may not fully understand yet. It’s important to give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she may not have been taught yet what God’s Word says about sexuality.

Here’s a suggested approach:

🔹 Seek to understand her perspective – Ask her how she understands God’s will in this area. A simple question like,
“We understand you’re dating another woman, and we’d love to hear more about how you see this fitting with your walk with God.”
can open the door for a deeper conversation.

🔹 Build empathy – Acknowledge that it can be really difficult to reconcile same-sex attractions with biblical teaching. You might say,
“I can only imagine how hard it must be to navigate these feelings while trying to follow God. Can you share more about your journey with this?”

🔹 Share God’s truth lovingly – After listening, you can gently share what the Bible says about God’s design for sexuality. Frame it in a way that shows that God’s statutes are for our good, even when they’re hard to understand or follow.
“God has an incredible plan for all of us, including our sexuality, and it may look different from what we initially think is right. Could we take some time to look at what Scripture says together?”

From here, there are a few possible paths:

✔ If she’s open to correction – This may become a beautiful opportunity for repentance and spiritual growth. Celebrate her openness to God’s leading, and let her know she’ll have your support as she navigates this. Consider connecting her with a ministry like Strength in Weakness, where she can find community and encouragement.

✔ If she knowingly defies God’s instruction – Despite believing biblical teaching, she chooses to continue in disobedience. This would require further conversations about discipleship and obedience. Like any sin, willful disobedience should be addressed with church discipline, carried out with compassion, gentleness, and patience.

✔ If she disagrees theologically – If she doesn’t believe what your church teaches about sexuality, you’ll need to decide how to move forward based on your church’s stance on sexuality as a primary or secondary issue. If your church views this as a primary issue of biblical obedience, you may need to distinguish her involvement as a member or non-member—just as you would with any other theological disagreement on core issues. This can be done lovingly and respectfully, without condemnation.

I’m praying for you as you walk this delicate road, and I trust that God will give you the wisdom and grace to guide her well.

Love in Christ,
Ellen