Dear Ellen, I’ve been struggling with attraction to women, especially after recently losing a relationship I had with a man. I’ve dealt with emotional obsession, mental illness, and sin patterns that have left me feeling hardened toward God and disconnected from life. I want to do good, but I feel stuck in cycles of discouragement, guilt, and hopelessness. How do I move forward when I feel so far from God? – Hurting and Hardened
Dear Hurting and Hardened,
Thank you so much for sharing your heart and your story. I can sense the weight you’re carrying right now, and I want you to know—you’re not alone in this.
What you described—feeling emotionally drawn to the point of obsession—is something I’ve been through myself and is a very common experience, particularly for women. It doesn’t make you uniquely broken; it just makes you human – navigating a challenging and complex reality.
You mentioned feeling hardened toward God and struggling to find remorse for indulging in sin. I want to encourage you with something: God sees the entirety of your journey. He knows what led you here, and He loves you deeply right in this place—not when you “fix” yourself or get it all together, but now, as you are.
It’s easy to look at obedience as something we have to “white-knuckle” through, but God’s desire for us goes far beyond a list of dos and don’ts. In Luke 14, Jesus says, “If you love me, you’ll obey me.” Notice the order there: love comes first. When we’re overwhelmed, confused, or distant, I’ve found it so helpful to go back to that simple starting place: falling in love with God again. Instead of focusing on what we need to do (or stop doing), we can focus on being with Him—learning to see ourselves the way He sees us: valuable, beloved, and pursued – even while fallen.
It’s also true that we weren’t made to wrestle through this alone. I’ve found so much comfort in connecting with other women who truly understand the struggles you described. You might find our women’s peer support groups helpful. They meet every other Monday and Sunday and provide a safe place to share, heal, and grow. You can learn more about them here: https://www.strengthinweakness.org/join.
I’m praying for you to feel God’s deep, compassionate love—the kind that can soften even the hardest places. Please don’t give up. There’s so much hope, even when life feels impossible.
