Through my job I get the privilege of peeking into the lives of Christians in all walks of life. As such, I am privy to so many amazing pieces of wisdom, parenting tips, and examples faithful stewarding! … I also am privy to a lot of parenting mistakes.

I recently was asked on a podcast interview what I thought the biggest mistake Christian parents make – and I didn’t like my answer. My initial response was what was on my mind at the time, but upon reflection, I’ve come up with a better answer:

The biggest mistake I see Christian parents make (LGBTQ+ related or not) is getting so focused on behavioral modification that they lose sight of their ultimate hope for their child – to develop a deep knowing of and love for God.

Driven by fear, these parents tend to prioritize the outcome – the outwardly compliant behavior that aligns with their faith – at the expense of orienting their child’s heart toward God.

The problem with this approach is that it conveys a distorted message to our children about God and His love. While obedience is important to God, it holds significance only when it stems from a heart overflowing with love (John 14:15).

If we, as Christian parents, were instead able to embrace this Godly approach where we are more focused on the heart than the behavior of our children, we would be less consumed by fear regarding our children’s temptations, experiences, and even their sin.

Rather than reacting out of our fear, we could respond in our love – maintaining connection with our children as they navigate the same bumpy, tumultuous, and sin-filled journey of seeking and choosing God that we all undergo.

We would also be better able to correctly convey to our children an aspect of our faith that is far more important than perfection or behavioral compliance – repentance. We spend so much time as Christian parents teaching our kids how to obey God, sometimes we forget to teach them how to navigate their inevitable falls. Let’s give our kids a realistic expectation for what it is to walk with God – it involves a lot of falls and a lot of repentance!

The way God parents us, His children, serves as an excellent model for the surrendered stewardship we are striving to adopt as Christian parents. God does not react in panic or despondence every time we face temptation, sin, or make mistakes. Instead, He lovingly and patiently plays the long game for all of our hearts.

We, as surrendered stewards of our children need to strive for a balance between exercising loving and careful authority to protect, teach, and train our children, while also maintaining a long-term perspective rooted in faith, not fear.

God’s love for your child surpasses even your own. You’re not alone in the battle for their heart; God is actively and fervently fighting on their behalf.
Instead of trying to take over on your own understanding, align yourself with His efforts and join in the fight alongside Him.