In my conversations with Christian parents, one recurring theme I encounter is the overwhelming burden of “what ifs.” These parents often come to me with questions like:
“What if my child makes choices that I don’t agree with?”
“What if my child is influenced by negative cultural trends or peer pressure?”
“What if my spouse and I disagree on how to handle certain situations?”
“What if our extended family judges us for the way we’re raising our children?”
“What if people at church think we’re failing as parents?”
These “what ifs” reflect a deep concern for their children’s well-being and spiritual health. Living in a fallen world can amplify these fears, leading to a consuming cycle of worry that often paralyzes parents with anxiety. However, I’ve found that a transformative tool in navigating these nagging worries is turning “what ifs” into “even ifs.”
Shifting the Focus: From “What If” to “Even If”
When we meditate on the “even ifs” instead of the “what ifs,” we shift our focus from the unknown and uncontrollable to the known and secure. This shift allows us to move from a place of fear to a place of faith, which is a much more peaceful foundation for our relationship with God and our children. We may not have control over the unknown future, but we do have control over our intentional responses to the known truths God has revealed.
For example:
“Even if my child makes choices that I don’t agree with—what is still true?”
It’s still true that God loves me, God loves my child, and I love my child.
God remains good, and I can continue to build and maintain a deep connection with my child.
No one is ever too far from the reach of God’s love and transformation.
God is playing the long game for my child’s heart, and He is not intimidated by their choices.
He can work through their struggles to restore their heart to Him.
OR
“Even if our extended family judges us for the way we’re raising our children—what is still true?”
God still loves me, my child, and my extended family.
I still love my family, and they still love me.
My conscience is clear in my decisions, even if my family doesn’t understand them.
My family’s responses to my choices are not the measure of my success.
I’m doing the best I can with what I have. If I learn something I don’t yet know I can change course.
My Parents’ “Even If” When I Came Out to Them
When I was a teenager, I came out to my parents as gay. Their response was one that embodied the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace, a notion that didn’t make any sense to me at the time—how could peace and readiness go together? But their reaction, “We’re not afraid. God is above it,” was the epitome of turning “what ifs” into “even ifs.”
They didn’t react out of fear or anxiety but instead stood firm in their faith, trusting that God was in control, no matter what. This modeled for me a profound truth: even in the face of uncertainty, God’s peace can equip us to be ready for anything.
Parenting with Intentionality and Faith
It’s essential to recognize that we shouldn’t take a hands-off approach in our parenting, allowing the predominant culture to have free reign in influencing our children. That would be highly naïve and negligent. Yet, it’s also true that we won’t be able to shield our children from every earthly influence throughout their lives. Our role as parents is not to control every aspect of our children’s lives but to model what true discipleship looks like—rooted in faithful surrender to God’s will.
In this journey, let’s remember that our success as parents is not measured by our ability to prevent every possible “what if” but by our commitment to respond faithfully, even if…
By embracing the “even ifs,” we can find peace and strength in the truth of God’s love, wisdom, and sovereignty, guiding our children with grace and conviction through these complex subjects.
As you navigate these challenges, hold fast to what you know to be true, and trust that God’s hand is at work, even in the midst of uncertainty.
