Dear Ellen, My husband and I have been studying the Bible with a trans man who has been open and eager to learn. Unfortunately, some members of our church have been less welcoming, and we’re unsure whether to keep him in our group, hoping it helps others grow, or connect him with a different group that might be more accepting. We want to make sure he feels supported, but we also want to help our group grow in love and understanding. What would be the best way to navigate this? — In Over My Head
Dear In Over My Head,
Thank you so much for reaching out, and I’m deeply moved by your heart to both support your trans friend and encourage growth within your church community. Navigating this “messy middle” space can be challenging but also a beautiful opportunity to reflect Christ’s love.
There isn’t always a clear “right” or “wrong” path here, but I think a great place to start would be to ask him where he feels most comfortable. You can present the options: continuing with your current group, where patience and understanding might be required from all sides, or joining a group where he may face less resistance. Let him help guide the decision, as she likely has a good sense of what would make him feel most supported and safe.
You could say something like, “There are people in our group who are still learning about these topics and may require more explanation or patience. Alternatively, there’s another group that may be more welcoming from the start. We want to make sure you feel as comfortable as possible in this process—what do you think would be best for you and your relationship with God?”
It’s also an opportunity to model grace and humility. You can acknowledge that, while the church is meant to reflect God’s love, it is still made up of imperfect people who are in their own process of refinement. You might even share with him, “If anyone in the church makes you feel uncomfortable or unwelcome, that’s a reflection of where they are in their journey, not how God feels about you.”
If you decide to introduce him to the other group, perhaps he could still interact with your current group over time, helping them grow in understanding and compassion. Either way, you’re showing incredible love by helping him feel welcome and seen, and I trust God will guide you both through this journey.
I’m praying for all of you—your trans friend, your group, and you and your husband—as you walk this path together.
