Dear Ellen, I’ve been trying to support a woman in our ministry who deals with same-sex attraction. She’s incredibly thoughtful and devoted, really seeking the truth, but also deeply academic. She has lots of questions and struggles to understand why God asks us to live within certain boundaries, especially when it comes to marriage and sexuality. I want to help her stay connected to God and encourage her, but it’s hard to know how to navigate these conversations without making it all about rules and losing sight of God’s love. How can I support her well? – Unsure How to Help
Dear Unsure,
Thank you for your question, and for your heart to walk alongside this sister with both grace and truth. It’s such a gift to the women in your ministry to have someone like you who cares so deeply about balancing righteousness with humility. I know it’s a delicate road to walk, especially with someone who is intellectually driven and searching for clear answers.
When we encounter people who are passionate about understanding the why behind God’s commands, it’s important to remember that God doesn’t promise us full understanding this side of heaven (Isaiah 55:8-9). For those with an academic or analytical mind, it can be frustrating to reach the limits of human understanding. Science and logic offer us glimpses of God’s design, but God’s ways will always remain partially hidden from us.
Even though understanding isn’t a prerequisite for obedience, love is. As Jesus said, “If you love me, you will obey my commands” (John 14:15). A good way to support this woman might be helping her connect emotionally with God’s love for her, so that her obedience flows from that love, rather than a full intellectual understanding of God’s commands. Her desire to follow God will need to rest on her love for Him—not on always understanding the ‘why’ behind every request.
It may be helpful to remind her that love is not just an emotion; it is also an action, and at its core, love is a decision. This is where faith comes in for Christians. We choose to love and follow God, even when we don’t fully understand Him or His ways.
It sounds like she has probably already explored many of the scriptures related to marriage and same-sex attraction, but I would encourage her to dive deeper into some of the resources listed on my website as she’s seeking clarity in this.
I’ll be praying for both you and her as you continue this journey. I pray that God’s love will deepen in her heart, and that you will feel empowered to support her in ways that point her back to God’s unchanging goodness.
