Dear Ellen, I’ve been trying so hard to push away my same-sex attractions, pretending they don’t exist. But they’ve resurfaced after being quiet for so long, and it feels devastating. How do I move forward as a Christian when these feelings won’t seem to leave? – Struggling with Returning Temptations
Dear Struggling with Returning Temptations,
Thank you so much for sharing your heart with such vulnerability. I want to start by acknowledging the immense courage it takes to reach out for help—often, that’s the hardest step.
I completely relate to what you’re feeling. Living with same-sex attraction as a Christian can be incredibly challenging, especially when you’ve tried to suppress those feelings and thought they were finally gone. It’s heartbreaking when they resurface, and I want you to know that you are not alone in this struggle. Many same-sex attracted Christians have experienced the same thing.
Here are three key areas of hope that have helped me, and I hope they encourage you too:
Same-sex attraction is not your identity. God says your identity is hidden in Christ: “For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God” (Colossians 3:3). You belong to Him, no matter what temptations you experience. Same-sex attraction may be part of your earthly experience, but it does not define you. The only thing that truly matters is that you are God’s beloved child.
Temptation itself is not sin. Experiencing temptation is not a failure—it’s expected. While we focus a lot on repentance after we fall, we often forget to celebrate the victories when we don’t give in. Though the last few months have been difficult for you, heaven rejoices over your incredible faithfulness! Even if it feels like a struggle, you’re still standing, and that’s worth celebrating.
Heterosexuality is not the goal The goal here isn’t to become heterosexually attracted. Instead, if your desire is to continue living your life for Christ, the ultimate aim is holiness—regardless of who you’re attracted to. With holiness as the goal, there’s no need to suppress the reality of same-sex attractions. Instead, you can acknowledge this as part of your earthly experience while choosing, with each temptation, who you will honor with it—yourself or God.
In my experience, this approach requires much less effort than denying an entire aspect of your existence. You’re a same-sex attracted Christian, and you probably always will be. And that’s okay. God loves you immensely. You can still love God deeply and experience a meaningful relationship with Him—if that is what you choose.
You are not alone in this journey, and I’m praying for you as you continue to pursue Christ.
