Dear Ellen, I’ve been struggling with same-sex attraction for a long time. I’ve prayed countless times for God to take these feelings away, but they haven’t gone. It’s hard to understand why He would let me struggle with this. I know that the Bible teaches obedience, but I feel isolated and judged, even by other Christians. It’s exhausting to keep pushing forward. I just don’t know how to stay faithful to God and true to myself at the same time. How do I move forward with both honesty and obedience? – Conflicted
Dear Conflicted,
Thank you so much for sharing your heart and trusting me with this part of your story. I’m deeply inspired by your faith and your desire to follow God’s will, even when the journey feels overwhelming. Many of us know what it’s like to beg God to take certain feelings away—myself included. Yet for me, and for many others in similar situations, God has not removed those attractions. What has sustained us is God’s promise: “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:9).
Let me remind you of a foundational truth: Obedience flows from love, not obligation. God cares deeply about your heart, and it is from a place of love that we choose to follow Him—or not. You are free to choose. God has given you the gift of free will, and you can exercise it as you wish. I’m not saying this to encourage you to walk away, but to free you from the pressure of feeling like you must stay out of obligation or social expectations. God isn’t after obedience for its own sake—He’s after you. Your heart. True obedience is rooted in love, not fear or external pressure.
Once you grasp this, your perspective can shift—from simply forcing yourself into compliance with God’s commands to letting your genuine love for God naturally lead you into obedience. While practical tips and strategies for managing temptation are helpful (and I’ll share some below), the real root of the issue lies in deepening your love for God. Sometimes our relationship with God hits dry spells, just like any relationship. That’s okay—it happens. Try new ways to connect with Him, and allow that love to grow again, so that obedience flows from the heart, rather than feeling forced.
It’s also incredibly freeing to realize that God doesn’t ask us to understand everything, including the “why” behind certain struggles (Isaiah 55:8-9). Instead, He calls us to love Him through obedience (John 14:15). This relieves the burden of trying to figure it all out on our own. We can trust that God knows what’s best for us, even if we don’t fully understand it right now.
You are right—learning that following God means giving up something that feels deeply personal, like a romantic relationship with someone of the same sex, can be devastating. But from my experience, life with God is far more fulfilling than anything I left behind. Self-denial is hard. But it’s also beautiful when viewed as an act of love toward the One who loves us perfectly.
Your identity—your true source of worth—is so much more than who you are physically attracted to. While that aspect of you matters, God offers you a far more robust and stable identity than any earthly label ever could. For me, being true to myself means being wrapped up with Christ in God. Who knows me better than my Creator, the One who formed me in my mother’s womb and knows every hair on my head? Embracing your God-given identity can be a powerful way to experience both self-alignment and alignment with God’s standards.
What has helped me immensely in this journey is being part of a supportive community. At the Strength in Weakness Ministry, we have women’s support groups that meet weekly. These groups are lifelines—they provide encouragement, wisdom, and a safe space where we are seen, heard, and supported in our faith. We journey together, sharing openly about our struggles and triumphs. It’s truly a place where you can just be.
I am praying that God will continue to make His path clear to you.
