Dear Ellen, I’m a youth ministry leader, and I’ve noticed a growing number of teens in our ministry who are experiencing same-sex attraction (SSA). This is becoming more common, especially among young women, and I want to navigate this wisely and compassionately. What insights or advice do you have on how we can best support these teens while staying grounded in God’s truth? — Searching for Guidance
Dear Searching for Guidance,
Thank you so much for your heart and willingness to walk alongside these young people through such a complex issue. This is indeed becoming more prevalent, particularly among women, whose sexual orientation can often be more fluid and nuanced. Below are some key points, insights, and strategies to help you as you navigate this terrain with care.
Female Sexual Orientation and Emotional Development
It’s essential to recognize that women’s sexuality is often deeply connected to their emotional connection in relationships, which can blur lines of attraction, especially during adolescence. Here are a few key aspects to keep in mind:
Potential for Arousal from Any Sexual Stimulus:
Women have a physiological capacity to be aroused by any sexualized stimuli, regardless of whether it aligns with their sexual orientation. For instance, a girl might see a sexualized scene involving women on TV and feel aroused, even if she’s not same-sex attracted. This can lead to confusion about her sexual identity, especially when society encourages young people to explore and label such experiences.
Emotional Enmeshment Leading to Physical Attraction: Many young women who engage in same-sex relationships often do so after forming deep emotional connections with their peers. As these emotional boundaries blur, it’s common for emotional enmeshment, codependency, and even idolatry of the friendship to develop. Once these emotional boundaries are crossed, physical boundaries often follow. For many young women, the desire for physical closeness arises more from emotional dependency than physical attraction.
What to Teach and Model in Your Ministry
Open Conversations about Sex and Sexuality: Unfortunately, many churches shy away from addressing sex and sexuality. However, young people need a safe and trustworthy environment to ask their questions. If the church doesn’t create this space, they will turn to their peers or the culture, which often offers a distorted view.
Obedience as an Expression of Love for God: It’s essential to teach young people the importance of obedience to God as an expression of love (John 14:15). While the world promotes the idea of following one’s heart, the Bible reminds us that our hearts can be deceitful (Jeremiah 17:9). God’s commands are not always easy to understand, but they are given out of love. This obedience only applies to those who have chosen to follow Christ, reinforcing the concept of free will and personal responsibility.
Developing Identity in God: Adolescents are in the process of forming their identities, and it’s crucial for them to have multiple healthy sources from which to draw. Encourage parents to engage in open and honest conversations with their children and create environments where vulnerability is welcomed. Family devotionals, even for teens, can provide a safe space to discuss complex topics. Additionally, a strong youth ministry that fosters open discussions about real-life challenges can help teens anchor their identities in Christ rather than cultural trends.
Communicating Unconditional Love: Many young people who experience SSA, especially those raised in the church, may already fear rejection from God, their parents, and the church community. It’s important to remind them of God’s unconditional love, no matter what. Adolescence is a chaotic time, with conflicting messages from peers and the culture. While their external confidence may seem strong, many are wrestling with deep internal fears. Rather than engaging in a tug-of-war with the world, model Christ’s example of love, patience, and steadfastness. Be the calm, safe space they can return to when they need guidance and clarity.
Encouragement and Next Steps
Each young person’s journey is unique, and there isn’t a one-size-fits-all solution. But the goal is to walk alongside them with compassion and wisdom, helping them see God’s love and truth even amid confusion. You may also encourage parents to foster open dialogue with their teens, offer resources, and promote identity in Christ.
May you be filled with the Spirit as you navigate this messy space, hand in hand with God.
