Can I Stay Friends With My Former Same-Sex Partner?

Dear Ellen,

I ended a romantic relationship with another woman, but it’s been so hard to navigate. I still care about her deeply, and I’m wondering if it’s possible to maintain a friendship. How do I protect my relationship with God without completely cutting her out of my life?

– Struggling to Let Go

Dear Struggling to Let Go,

Thank you for reaching out and sharing your heart. I know how difficult it can be to navigate complex emotions like these, and I admire your desire to seek wisdom as you work to protect your relationship with God.

I completely understand where you’re coming from. Before becoming a disciple, I lived as a lesbian, and I know firsthand how consuming same-sex romantic relationships can become. For me, my relationship wasn’t just important—it became an idol. My entire sense of self and identity was wrapped up in my girlfriend, and our connection grew into a kind of emotional enmeshment that felt addictive.

Creating Space for Healing

For me, healing only began when we decided to cut off all contact. While that was the best decision for me (and for many women I’ve worked with), it’s not always the only path. But one thing that seems consistent for most of us is this:

✔ Healing usually requires creating space to lessen the emotional tether to the other person and strengthen our tether to God.

✔ The emotional pull of relationships can be incredibly strong, often clouding our ability to make sober, God-centered decisions.

✔ Sometimes, the fear of losing that person from our lives can feel stronger than the fear of losing intimacy with God—and that’s still a form of idolatry.

Even if you try to remain just friends, lingering feelings can lead to compromises, both in your heart and actions.

God Will Fill the Space Left Behind

I know how daunting it feels to imagine life without this person, but I also know that God is more than able to fill the gaps left by this loss.

Here’s how Scripture describes God’s role in fulfilling our deepest emotional needs:

💙 Friend – John 15:15
💍 Husband – Isaiah 54:5
🔍 Sought after – Luke 19:10
🔥 Jealous over you – Deuteronomy 4:24
🛡 Protector – Psalm 18:2
🎁 Provider – Philippians 4:19
🤲 Comforter – Matthew 5:4

Every emotional desire you have, God is eager to fill! Though I (and God) mourn with you over the pain of this separation, I’m also excited for you.

This season offers an incredible opportunity to dive deeper into your relationship with God and allow Him to fill every crack and longing in your heart. He was meant to fill those spaces from the beginning, and nothing else could ever substitute for Him.

Turn to Him in your grief and allow Him to comfort you in only the way He can.

Find Support and Encouragement

I also encourage you to explore our support groups at Strength in Weakness.

These groups offer a safe space to connect with other women who are navigating similar situations. It’s a wonderful place to belong, gain encouragement, and find strength for this journey.

I’m praying for you during this time of mourning and transition, trusting that as you root yourself even more deeply in the Lord, He will meet you with His unending love.

Love in Christ,
Ellen