An Honest Response to my Hurt and Angry LGBTQ+ Friend
Belonging to the LGBTQ+ community was a profound learning experience for me, teaching me invaluable lessons about love, loyalty, and friendship. I witnessed and experienced qualities such as deep love, connection, respect, and acceptance – traits that align closely with what God calls His people to embody. Truthfully, I have experienced these virtues more prominently within the LGBTQ+ community than I have in many churches around the world. When reflecting on my journey into experiencing such unconditional love and acceptance, one person stands out: My friend, Mic (*not their real name).
Mic helped me to make sense of my attraction to other women, helped me navigate my first romantic relationship with a woman, and protected me from so many things – things that, in my naiveté, I didn’t even know could hurt me. Mic made me part of their family and introduced me to an adoptive LGBTQ+ family during a time in my life when I really needed that kind of support.
We have sporadically kept up on social media through the years. Mic recently saw a social media post that indicated what I do for work and expressed their disapproval over my work and beliefs.
While I’ve grown accustomed (not comfortable but accustomed) to finding myself in what I like to call, “the messy middle space,” where it is common for both Christians and non-Christians to misinterpret my intentions and react with hurt or anger to my work, experiencing this with a friend whom I deeply cherish cut in a new and deeper way than normal. Sometimes I am grateful that God called me to service in this way – and sometimes I am grieved, confused, and weary. Today is one of those days:
My dear friend,
I am so sorry that you’re upset by this. I want to assure you that it is never my intention to hurt or upset anyone with the work that I do, especially you. I love you, care about you and your family, and I am deeply honored to know you. When I think of you the word that comes to mind is, “integrity” – I admire you more than you could possibly know. I can’t express with words how fondly I remember you and the many memories we share together. It gives me great joy to see you happily living life with your family. I know how hard you had to work and how much you had to overcome to get to that point.
My only hope in the work that I do is to help Christian parents (and others that hold to the traditional interpretation of the Biblical sexual/gender ethic) to remain connected with their children, friends, and loved ones that they may disagree with theologically. I know what it’s like to be wrongfully persecuted and condemned in the name of “god” simply because of who you love or what you decide to do with your life. It’s not right. I don’t believe that to be a true representation of God’s heart.
A lot of Christians think they must choose between their faith and their LGBTQ+ loved ones. I don’t think that’s the case. I think it’s possible to have different beliefs on this and still treat each other with kindness, dignity, and respect. I believe Christians are called to 1). Honor each person as God’s beloved creation (no matter who they love or how they experience their gender), and 2). Honor the freewill that God gives every person to live their lives however they’d like to. I don’t want to take that freewill away from anyone – I want to protect it.
Please know that it is not my goal to persuade anyone to a certain way of thinking or a certain set of beliefs. I simply desire to walk alongside Christians that already hold to the Biblical sexual/gender ethic and try to help them have True love for their LGBTQ+ friends, family, and neighbors. True love that does not seek to control, but that honors and respects, even in disagreement. I had a client’s daughter reach out once to say, “I don’t know what you said to my mom, but she and I were finally able to have a conversation that didn’t have to do with my sexual orientation. Thank you.” This is the goal/hope of the work that I do. Not to change people’s minds, but to help them experience connection through disagreement.
Still, I know this is a contentious topic in our world today and so deeply personal for you and your family. Learning that I’m involved in this field must come as a shock and cause confusion and anger, feeling as though someone you once trusted has betrayed you. I deeply apologize for any unintended pain, confusion, or anger I may have caused. It grieves me beyond words to think that my actions, even if unintentional, may have caused distress or harm.
I stand with you. I support you in living your life exactly the way you want to. And I will stand up for you and your family against so-called Christians who mistreat you and misunderstand you.
