Should I Be Concerned About a Same-Sex Attracted Camp Counselor For My Child?

Dear Ellen,

My child was recently at sleep-away camp with a counselor who shared during a devotional that they were same-sex attracted. I feel uncomfortable with this. What do you think? What about other campers who could be same-sex attracted?

— Concerned Parent

Dear Concerned Parent,

I completely understand how you might feel uncomfortable with your child being at sleep-away camp with a counselor who is same-sex attracted. At the same time, I can also see how it might feel unfair to a same-sex attracted brother or sister in the faith if they were told they couldn’t serve as a counselor because of a particular temptation. Therefore, I wonder if the perspective ought to be shifted from an individual’s particular temptation to their personal righteousness.

If I were the camp director, I might ask a same-sex attracted counselor questions like, “How long has it been since you have acted on your same-sex attractions?” or “Have you ever been attracted to a child of the same sex before?” The answers to these types of questions may help a camp director determine in which capacity a same-sex attracted brother or sister could be best utilized while maintaining safety for all involved.

Thoughts on a Same-Sex Attracted Camp Counselor

• Same-sex attraction does not equal predatory behavior. Those who experience same-sex attraction are not inherently sexual deviants. It would be uncommon for a same-sex attracted counselor, especially one significantly older than their campers, to experience attraction to a child. If, however, someone has struggled with pedophilia, then serving in a role that involves direct care of children would obviously be unwise. But simply experiencing same-sex attraction does not automatically make someone unfit to serve.
• Personal righteousness and individual hindrances matter. Hebrews 12:1-3 instructs us to throw off both sin and hindrances. However, what hinders one person may not hinder another. A same-sex attracted individual must prayerfully assess whether serving in this role would be spiritually wise for them. Broad, sweeping generalizations that disqualify people based on temptation alone are often rooted in fear rather than love.
• Safety policies should be in place for all counselors. Regardless of sexual orientation, camp policies should ensure that no counselor is ever alone with a camper. There should always be another adult and/or additional campers present to provide accountability and protection for everyone involved. If these safety measures are in place, concerns about same-sex attracted counselors may be alleviated.
• Age-appropriate conversations are key. I assume this devotional was shared with preteens or teenagers who are already being exposed to LGBTQ+ topics. If this was shared with very young children, it would have been more appropriate for parents to introduce these discussions first.

Thoughts on a Same-Sex Attracted Camper

• Denying camp access based on SSA would be harmful. A camper struggling with same-sex attraction has no control over their temptation, and barring them from attending camp would not be a Christlike approach. However, it could be helpful to have an open conversation with them about their personal challenges and ways to navigate potential temptations at camp.
• Support structures can help. A same-sex attracted camper may benefit from having a trusted mentor to call for guidance, a “buddy” at camp to confide in, or special permission to use a more private shower/changing area if necessary.
• Representation can be powerful. For a camper struggling with SSA, hearing their counselor openly share their experience while remaining devoted to God could be incredibly encouraging. Seeing someone honor God in the midst of their temptations can be a beautiful example of faithfulness.
• Non-SSA campers can learn valuable lessons. A counselor’s vulnerability can help campers develop empathy, understand that no sin is greater than another, and see the courage it takes to share personal struggles.

How to Talk About This With Your Child

This is a wonderful opportunity to have an open and respectful conversation about:

• God’s unconditional love and expectation of righteousness
• How to support and love those who experience same-sex attraction
• The difference between temptation and sin
• How to navigate conversations about faith and sexuality with grace and truth

If you’d like further resources on sexuality and gender from a faith-based perspective, please check out the resources page on my website.

In Him,
Ellen